10-16

     I posted on twitter how I got a promotion at work. This is supposed to be a good thing by I dont feel as I deserve it.
     Just as soon as I get clear headed BOOM...... right back to the seat of addiction and depression. Im not complaining. This is just frustrating. Every day, over and over.
     Thank god for my family that stay and support me although they dont understand the things that are really in my mind.

10-11

     So how many people do you know that suffer from depression and/or addiction? When I take a look around at my friends and family, its quite amazing to me.
     My parents are alcoholics and of course they say they are just trying to relax. Its funny how people cant relax unless they drink till they are stupid for the past 20 yrs (then again although adopted Im a fake wreck). I see alcohol being consumed by everyone else also. A few abstain from the juice but for the most part its really bad. Quite a few of the people I work with either drink or take pills.
     This is my surroundings. These are the people that I was supposed to look up to and work with for the past 30 yrs. Do I blame them for any of my down falls? Absolutly not. My life has ultimatly  been my decisions and mine alone.
     I guess Im just feeling down tonight. My wife and son of course dont suffer from depression or anything so I am blessed. We dont drink much so its not in my sons face all the time either. I got a promotion at work and things are supposed to be good but unfortunatly that isnt the case.
     Just a few thoughts before trying to go to sleep. Release..........

7-28

     Well, as I mantioned before, my boss quit his job. Now I am in charge. What I am worried about is my mental state. A supervisor came in today and walked right back out. Where I work was ok but then Im told that I have to stay and make sure everything is good for 6am the next day. Now I just worked 13 fkn hours. Doubt, low esteem, worry, instability.... Im really worried. Normal?

7-24

Boss told me that he is quitting today and moving. Happy for him but stress is gonna be bad for me. Things have been tough. Addiction has been hitting me in the gut lately. Down but not gone. Just had to get it out.

6-13

     I dont know whats up. I feel overwhelmed I guess. Ya know....shit is tough when you dont even want to do what you want to. I want to write music but the other to jobs are making it tough. The more stuff going on, the more stress. I dont know.

     From what I understand, my buddy is not doing well. Im wondering if its something else or not. He has not has not had any energy or anything going on in the past weeks. Im wondering if something else is wrong.

     Just having a hard time with so much going on. I want to help everyone and I think that alone may be a bad thing. Too much going on for me. Thanks!!!!

7-12

     Well today is my wifes birthday. I love her very much and I appreciate all the support she has always given me. Hospitals, drugs, overdoses..... had very times but still together. 10 yrs. I hope for revived compassion and continued comittment. SOME SEX WOULD BE BETTER AS WELLLLLLLLLL!!!!!! Lol

7-10

Man today sucks. The retail business in general is one of the most difficult industries there is. Just like most, more work, less hours. I am a meat manager as my main job and Im thinking about stepping down if its possible. The way I look at is in the past three years Ive been hospitalized 3 times. Most hardcore meat guys are "usually" on some drug or drink like a fish.
     Dont get me wrong, I still drink a bit but on a much lower level. Blood pressure is through the roof as well as cholestorol is huge. The stress  is horrible. Im worried about my mental stability most right now. Indecisive!!!